5 Tips for Mindful Moderation and Balance this Holiday Season:

Who else loves the holiday season but gets those feelings of panic, tightening chest and continual spiraling thought processes that go something like…“How on earth can I possibly manage 3 holiday parties a week AND keep on track with my goals? Great another event I DON’T want to be at! Or, will I ever have time for myself again?” For me, that list is pretty endless. At least it is when I don’t take control of what I can in those moments.

I recently got back from being on the road for a couple of weeks and have been reflecting on those things that really did help to keep me on track with my own personal goals during that time. Those moments where I could have let something go and enjoyed the moment just a little bit more but, more importantly, I reflected on those moments where I definitely let something go and wish I would have moderated my choices just a wee bit more.

As a health coach, I know how important it is to not only take care of our physical health but also our mental health, as well, ESPECIALLY during the holidays. November 24^th-January 1^st. Those 5 ½ little weeks.

Something else that I’ve come to recognize, is that I can’t do EVERYTHING myself. I need a little help from my frandz. I get by with a little help from my friends.

From one friend to another, here are my personal tips and tricks for staying on track this holiday season through a little mindful moderation and balance.

 

1. One word: Goals. That’s right. Get crystal clear on what your goals are NOW. Fitness, nutrition, mental, emotional, you name it. The more specific they are, the more likely YOU are of sticking with them
2. Get a GOOD ol’ fashioned accountability buddy. I know, I know. The concept may sound silly, but believe me. Boy oh boy, can it work. They can help you stay on track and keep you accountable especially if you know you’re the type of person who needs a little outside help and reinforcement.
3. Develop daily rituals that make your soul feel alive and fulfilled and try to stick with them as much as possible during the holidays. That includes those few days at your parents that you know your morning meditation goes out the window. I’m looking at you, girl!
4. Schedule EVERYTHING. Literally. Get our your planner right now. Write down Every. Single. Thing. EVERY event, holiday party, dinner with family, cocktails with work, your friends, with your cats. The sky’s the limit. But, literally, write every little thing down so you can see it all.

 

Now, the next part may be awesomely empowering or excruciatingly painful, (FOMO anyone?), but this is where the real magic and moderation happens.

Start crossing things off your list.

You heard me right. Which events feel good? Which ones will bring you joy? Also, keep in mind the people attending the actual events, as well.

Now, looking at your list, did any make the cut that seem obligatory? C’mon, we all have that one holiday work event with co-workers we can’t stand. #amiright?!

OR if you really can’t skip anything, mindfully and specifically choose those events that you truly want to savor the moment in and possibly indulge in an extra cocktail or two. Those where you want that piece of Challah Bread or a piece of mom’s pumpkin pie that won’t make you feel guilty.

Be specific and choose those moments, those events with those special people that you truly want to cherish and indulge in. Because that’s what we remember. Those moments that fill us with joy and that make our heart soar.

 

5. Now that you’ve gotten clear on those events that you want to let yourself live a little at, go over each one and see where your goals will fit into the scenario and where they may need to shift a little. Sometimes that chocolate pumpkin French toast that you’ve been craving for months is just oh so worth it and other times, that 5^th glass of champagne may not be ideal in the long run. Or, i.e., maybe one party you KNOW you need to drink at, (family events anyone?), maaaybe you select another event where you sip on a cool club soda with a splash of cran instead?. Just spit balling here.

 

Remember, it’s okay to let your plan veer slightly if it is hindering some of your happiness. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. We all want to live our best lives, especially around this time of year with family and friends. It’s just much more empowering when we choose those moments. And not the other way around.

“Fail to plan. Plan to fail.”

There’s a reason that saying still holds up and I believe in every word of it.

 

I hope this helped give you some tips for how to live more mindfully this holiday season.

 

Cheers and Happy Holidays!

 

AF

 

A Forgiveness Letter to Myself

The relationships we have with our bodies and ourselves are such intriguing, lofty, multi-faceted things. They both excite and inspire me. They make me want to tear my heart out sobbing yet at the same time motivate me to get up in the morning and sing my heart song. They are vulnerable. They are raw. And often times, they are split wide open for the whole world to see. And for some sick reason, I can’t get enough of reading or listening to other people share their stories regarding this topic. One reason may be the inherent connection I feel listening to others share their first hand accounts with open hearts and shaking hands. At least, this was my experience reading mine aloud. Through these very human and relatable traits and experiences, there is a definite sense of comradery, of kinship. For one split second, we are not alone. We are not the only ones to traverse these waters, in the past, the present nor in the future.

 

Today, I want to share with you my own forgiveness letter to myself. I haven’t touched it since the day I wrote it about a year and a half ago. Go easy on me. ALL of the tears, laughter and love went into this. I’m happy to report, though, my relationship with myself has only grown since writing this. Exponentially, at that. I know that this letter was only the beginning. It was but a small ripple apart of the immense backdrop of waves that is my journey. However, I do feel that this spurred an adventure for me that I can’t turn my back on now.

 

#vulnerabilityhangovercommence

 

“My Dearest Ali,

You majestic, beautiful, perfect creature you. There’s a lot that I’ve been meaning to say to you and for us to catch up on. I guess there’s no better time than the present. I am writing this to you with so much love it is exploding glittery, pink ink blots everywhere. I know this may be a new concept for you but it’s one you’re going to have to get used to, okay? You have been treated with love by so many other people. You really truly are blessed. But the person that matters the most has been nowhere to be found in this so called love department. And I am eternally sorry for that. I guess if I didn’t show up for you, I didn’t have to disappoint you. I don’t know why but disappointing you feels somewhere in between disappointing my parents and eating my first born child. Really, that repulsive. So, therefore, not being present with you meant I didn’t have to love you. I could dispense my love to a mountain of other more deserving people and at the end of the day, you didn’t deserve it. Why should you get my undeserving love and affection?

Well, Ali, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. For everything. For the attachments I gave the words on this page. For treating you like a separate entity my entire life. For the constant judgements and critiquing. For never listening to you when you clearly knew best. For not understand you or wanting to. And for not understanding my emotions and how to channel them. For being overly humble and even scared of you and your talents. You are brave. You are beautiful. You are talented. AND you’re a pretty flippin’ groovy human being. Be proud! I sure am.

However, the thing I may be most sorry for is not loving you for everything you are and everything you will become. Because that’s what you deserve, eternal, deserving love to infinity and beyond. I didn’t know what could make us happy and I took it all out on you. You didn’t deserve a single second of that. You deserve daffodils and rainbows, pianos and shooting stars, the best person in the world to share your “Best of times and worst of times”. You deserve the best because you are the best. To me.

So Alexandria, I finally see you. And I love and accept you just the way you are. I don’t need to be afraid of you anymore because you are not you and I am not I. We are both we. Together. And as hard as some hard times might be, we have each other. I see you and am so very proud of you. For just being you. For wanting to keep growing as a person in this life. For finally accepting that I don’t know and I don’t have to know all of the answers. For trying to get comfortable and make peace with the unknown. And for realizing you don’t have to be this idea of perfect. That perfection doesn’t actually exist. It lies in the faults and cracks and moments in everyday life that you just need to be aware enough of yourself and the world around you to experience.

I really truly wish you all of the happiness in the world.

I couldn’t be that person for you before but I’m going to try for the rest of my life to be that person now and henceforth.

To me, you are perfect.

I love you to the moon and back.

Heart,

-A Fitz”

 

 

Woof. Done! There it is.

The vulnerability hangover is still very much present but I wanted to share this with you because maybe you will feel the smallest amount of connection that I do while listening.

 

If there is one thing I can recommend from doing this exercise, it’s that if you have any curiosity, any interest at all in writing your own Forgiveness Letter from the heart, DO IT. Seriously. Find your favorite writing utensil and leather bound notebook and start writing. You can thank me later.

 

What are you waiting for?! Get outta here!

 

Hugs and High Fives,

Ali Fitz

Vulnerability…Say Whaa??

I don’t know about you, but for my whole life, I’ve had an interesting relationship with vulnerability. Well… Complicated is more like it. I’ve always seen it as a weakness. A flaw. And this so called partnership was tenuous, to say the least. It felt like a far off concept my being couldn’t grasp. My brain got it, no brainer (see what I did there? 🙂 ) but there was this disconnect happening between that same brain and the rest of my being.

And up until recently, I had no idea how to connect with this “vulnerability”. I didn’t know how to be vulnerable. I thought it was something to be attained. Some rite of passage I would go through and it would finally pass through me. Penetrate through to my core. And I would know it. I would feel it.

 

The funny thing about it, about most things in life, really, is that they sneak up on you when you are most unaware. Very least suspecting. You couldn’t feel them if they hit you with a ten foot pole. At least, this was my experience with vulnerability.

Little by little, I began to notice how my own definition and attachment to what vulnerability “means” is transient and ever changing. But this awareness didn’t happen 3 years ago. It happened now. In a different head space. And this new found clarity led me to realize that my “unawareness” wasn’t really unawareness. It was merely my experience and my state of awareness/consciousness at that time in my life.

 

Albert Einstein once said,

 

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

 

Oofda. Mind blown. #amirite?!

 

I’m not saying my disconnection to vulnerability was a problem. What I am saying is that our own, mine included, consciousnesses get in the way of confronting so many things in life. As humans, we tend to approach things from the same level of consciousness that creates those very barriers to begin with.

My unawareness was simply my consciousness at that present time. It wasn’t wrong or bad. It simply existed as it existed. And keeping in mind Einstein’s genius, I couldn’t see past this roadblock until I met it from a different state of consciousness. A different perspective.

Which, surprise surprise, I unknowingly have been doing the past 6 months.

I have unknowingly been approaching this topic of vulnerability from a WHOLE different angle. One of un-acknowledgement, if you will. Basically forgetting it existed and going about my day to day life in the absence of it. And little did I know that going about my days in this way would set in motion an incredible journey for me. One I’m only just now beginning to realize.

 

A cornerstone of this so called “journey” has been adapting the mindset of “The Art of Allowing-ness”. “What is that?” you might ask. Well, this concept is one that lends itself to the principles of simply letting oneself be. To exist. Not forcing what isn’t happening to be happening in that present moment. And I like to think that this mindset shift, unknowing as it might be, has helped to soften my heart enough to let larger amounts of vulnerability shine through. At times, purposefully, even.

Yet, I could never have known this had I kept using the same approach I always had. It took time and life experience. And a brand new mental state.

 

If you can believe it, I used to think of myself as an expert in vulnerability and the human condition. *cue audible laughter* I wish I were kidding. In my mind, I had chosen a profession where I had to expose my most vulnerable self at any given moment onstage and people had to connect with it. PLUS, I had the wonderfully impressive amount of student debt through two different programs to showcase this. #duh I was an expert.

But my point is that I was. I was an expert at that time in my life. Now, I like to think I may or may not be a little more so. A little wiser. A little more in tune with myself and the universe. A little more present with awareness and connection, allowing vulnerability to flow out without extra force or trying. 

Now I try to include it in my everyday life. To sprinkle those “precious” moments throughout my days so I no longer hold on to them as being just that, precious.

Vulnerability doesn’t need to be put on a pedestal. It’s not a foreign entity to be gleaned every once in a blue moon. It can be tangible. And real. An everyday occurrence, if you will it to be.

And as Einstein pointed out, I wouldn’t have been able to fathom this and move past my own barrier had I kept approaching it in the same way.

Am I more vulnerable than I was 10 years ago? I have NO idea. Am I more aware and able to connect more freely and readily with people and my environment around me? Abso-freakin-lutely.

All it takes is a consciousness shift. Supes easy, right? 😉

Thanks Einstein, for blowing our minds again.

 

Hugs and High Fives,

Ali

Fear.

 

Do you ever experience those moments in life when you are desperately clinging to something, anything, yet at the same time watching it vanish from that very grasp? Yeah, me too.

Actually, I had one of those mind blowing, life changing moments just the other day. Okay, okay. It wasn’t that extreme. But it was a massive perspective shift.

 

A question I came out of that experience with was “What if the thing I was so desperately clinging to was actually holding me back in life?”

 

“What if the things all of us hold on to for dear life, do just that, hold us back? What if?”

 

Whoa. Mic drop. Cue credits. End scene.

 

Do YOU think this could be true? And why? What could possibly keep us grasping at this safe, nothingness?

 

Alright, could I be so bold for a sec as to answer my own question quick? Is that a thing? Yah? Cool.

 

It’s fear. Fear is what holds us back. It’s that insidious, hidden motivator for so many of our decisions in life. And I abso-freakin’-lutely believe that.

 

Below is an excerpt of my favorite quote by the goddess Marianne Williamson. She talks a little about fear. Take what you will from it.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ”

Oof. M. W..  How good you say it.

 

So…Fear. That’s a real thing, yah? And I wholeheartedly understand this quote may not be applicable to all fear. And to everyone. But it is soooooooo relevant for many of my own experiences in life. I ask myself all of the time, “Who am I to ask for higher pay? Who am I to want to go out on a Friday night instead of watching Gotham for the 17^th time with my boyfriend? Who am I to want to have freedom and love and build a life for myself which makes me happy?”

 

Well, who am I not to be?!

 

Ugh…Okay… Wait. That kind of feels like a loaded question.

What do you think? To me, asking “who am I not” feels foreign and scary. I like safety and certainty. Plus, the life I’ve been leading thus far has done me a few solids in my day. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely not been all sunshine and roses but at least I know it. It feels safe and warm and comfortable. Come to think of it, I kind of like it. My old life. My never questioning “Who am I not to be?”

 

Back to the point. Clearly, the thing I am so desperately clinging to at this moment is my past. But why?

 

Easy. Fear. Fear of failure. Fear of inadequacy. Fear of not living the life I was “destined to live”. The list goes on and on.

And this feeling doesn’t feel good but it’s what I know. And recently, it hit again… hard. The familiar fear feelings of anxiety, claustrophobia, safety and actual fear alllll crept back in at the same time, mind you. I believe my exact stream of thought was “I’ve lived in this place for too long. I’m getting the two year relationship itch. I’m starting to create a career that I love, which gives me the good scary feelings of tingles and excitement. But crap. I need to bolt. I need to get out of here. My life feels too stable. Too manicured. Too…”

 

AHHHHHHHHHHH…

 

Do you ever get that negative, downward spiral of thought surrounding the stories we tell ourselves? You know what I’m talking about. The kind where you can’t have a logical conversation to save your life because you’re too stuck in your own story about fear, or what have you, and what that might mean about EVERYTHING. No space to even ask the question “Is that true?” That is 100% what I was experiencing. And I just word vomited it to you. You’re welcome. 🙂 But I digress.

 

Okay. So. Revisiting these questions of “Who am I…” and “Who am I not to be?” a day or two later, gives me a muuuuuch different perspective. I’m actually curious, now, as to what might live in those old feelings and behaviors that beckons “Who am I not to step into a new, uncertain and maybe scary at times, light and power?”

 

Well, I’m an imperfect person who is used to experiencing panic along with thrill. Anger alongside adventure. Stress and scarcity hand in hand.  And more unhappiness and uncertainty than I am comfortable admitting.

So there. There’s my who am I not to.

 

But is it really?

 

Here’s the rest of Marianne’s quote,

“You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

That was the rest of her quote.  In all its glory.

 

I think Marianne just answered my question for me.

 

I don’t glorify that old life anymore. I still recognize it as mine but it doesn’t feel quite right.

 

But you know what does?

My life right now. It oddly matches up with how I want to feel: Infinite Love. Fiery Passion. Abundant Joy. Unabashed Courage. Tranquilly Rooted. Divinely Feminine. And abso-freakin-lutely Limitless.

 

Wow. None of those feelings equate to fear. They equate to totality. And inner peace. So now, I guess the question begs,”Who am I not to want stability and connection? Who am I not to want to feel freaking limitless with everything in life? Who am I not to want all of the joy and passion my heart can muster?!”

 

Who are any of us not to?

 

My greatest hope is that you were able to take something from that quote. Anything. Or not. You be you. I just know every time I look to it, I feel a fervor within me, excited about all my new possibilities.

 

And Marianne, my take away from you today is that I’m not afraid of what I could be, anymore. It may creep in from time to time. But I’m not afraid of what I could be because I’m going to be it. I’m living it right now. And it is shaping up to be one heck of a powerful beyond all measure, light infused ride.

So, thank you.

 

Hugs and high fives,

Ali

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

 

-Mary Oliver “The Summer Day”